Warrior Cats Insanity
by Heart-of-Sky
Summary: The Warrior Cats have been plagued with the diseases named Insanity. Will they be cured? Will they be restored? In fact, will life go on? The Warrior Cats world is at stake. Either read like a desperate maniac or walk away disturbed, THE CHOICE IS YOURS.
1. Introduction

**A/N: Hey! This is my first fanfiction, and it would be great if you guys could give me some tips and all that good jazz. :D Just review and I'll get this thing started! Critiscm is welcome and please tell me of any spelling/grammar/whatever mistakes so I can feel good. :P**

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A rather odd patch of meadow, free from trees, was planted smack dab in the middle of nowhere. It had a mystical auroa to it. The fog bombarded the air as mist swirled up toward the leaves, as if for eternity.

And yet what was that green cat doing there?

"OI! CAMERA! Check it out!"

The green cat seemed to be speaking.

Odd.

"IDIOT! I'M OVER HERE!"

The green cat was a tabby, and not only was he green, he had some spunk to match it.

"You've got three seconds to get a close-up."

"FINE!" The camera cat yelled, balancing on a tree branch with his hind paws.

The camera zoomed in.. way too close. All you could see was the green cat's eyeballs. Which were starting to get some red veins in them.

Hiking a cat eyebrow up at the camera cat with an expression that said "you ain't gettin' paid", the green cat stepped back and cleared his throat.

"Hey guys! The name's Mountaindew and my way is just too cool." Mountaindew looked proud of himself for the rhyme, polishing his claws in a strikingly Barbie doll fashion. "This is one of the meadows of StarClan. I was sent here randomly for random reasons. I'm here today to tell you something very serious, very serious indeed. You folks all down there know about the Clans, right?"

A chorus of cheers came from behind a bush. Feeling self-consious, Mountaindew went on, his eyelid twitching as Jaws music came on.

"Anyway, it seems ThunderClan has been riddled with a disease called INSANITY," Mountaindew nodded importantly. "We're taking records of the Insanity levels in this Clan, which have only just started. Stay tuned for more."

With that, Mountaindew started padding away. He would have made it to the bushes if not for a blue ball of fur tackling him down.

"Forgetting something?" A yowl broke through the air as the blue she-cat stuck her head up, livid, and marched to the camera. Leaving Mountaindew groaning on the ground, she twirled defiantly and spoke rapid-fire.

"Hey hey hey! I'm Blueberry, and I'm the leader of this operation, mhm mhm. As the great Mountaindew said over there, the Clans are threatened by the infectionous disease."

Dramatic pause.

"Hold onto your friend's brother's mother's father's son, because you're in for a wild ride!"

Pause.

"We're gaining information-"

At this, Mountaindew stirred from his corner and whispered gleefully, "A.K.A We're stalking.."

"-from the ThunderClan cats and looking for a cure that might help them." Blueberry finished, sending the death glare over to Mountaindew.

Turning back to the camera, Blueberry waved at the camera and yelled something in a different language, which sounded remarkably like a sneeze.

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	2. Airball!

**A/N: Here's the update! It's a bit slow to me, but hopefully the story will pick up because I have a lot of adventures in mind. R&R! Enjoy reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors (althrough I wish I did :P).**

**Hope you like it. :D**

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~Blueberry's POV~

Have you ever slapped someone so hard that it left a red mark on the victim's face, left an angry expression on YOUR face, and then you feel self conscious when you realize a squirrel is staring at you?

I can say I have.

I can also say that it was because Mountaindew turned up wearing a ski vest, ripped jean pants, and a sombrero.

The sad thing was that he was being genuine.

Anywho, we're planning to descend from StarClan in all gloriness-except we're actually flesh-and-blood cats 'cause we're on a mission, not actually DEAD.

Our plan outline goes a little like this:

1. Observe.

2. Take notes.

3. Record/video tape.

4. Try to find a cure.

All we have to do is not get noticed by any of the ThunderClan cats.

So now you can imagine my frustration at Mountaindew's "disguise."

I descend down the heavenly escalator with Mountaindew right behind me, his sombrero hat (which he insisted on bringing) tipping over his electric green eyes.

I hop down neatly onto the ground and pad away towards the ThunderClan camp.

Mountaindew faceplants neatly on the ground and claws his way threw the dirt towards the ThunderClan camp. After inspecting the perimeter of the camp and putting caution tape on a suspicious-looking plant, I wriggled through the camp opening and watched as Firestar gave out the ordinary summons for a Clan meeting.

Nothing unusual so far.

"WindClan cats are-" Firestar was saying until a voice interrupted him;

"AIRBALLLLLL!"

Every cat turned to see where the voice was coming from.

"AAAAAIIIIRRRRBAALLLLL!"

Every cat started whispering among themselves.

I motion desperately to Mountaindew for him to get on his spy gear.

He pulls out Italian icecream.

I mime a spy cat.

He holds out an aspirin.

I point to the ThunderClan cats and gnash my teeth.

He pulls out.. is that.. a toothbrush..?

Toms these days.

I slink through the opening by myself and paw through to the warriors den. Fortunately, I'm not noticed by any cat outside. I find myself face to face with a pair of blinking blue eyes.

"AIRBALL!" The thing screams, its mouth wide enough to swallow a basketball.

My eardrums nearly blast open and I'm pretty sure I have internal bleeding.

I slap a paw over the white cat's mouth, which happens to be Cloudtail, and drag him away before the cats started pouring in looking for the source of the noise.

I smash a new exit out of camp and race to the badger den in which Mountaindew dubbed as 'headquarters.'

I heave Cloudtail in front of Mountaindew, who is looking down at me with extremely geeky glasses that hang around his neck.

To top it off, he still has that stupid sombrero.

I stare directly into his eyes and point to Cloudtail, "I think he has the virus in him."

Mountaindew stares back at me, "Oreally?"

"Oreally."

"Oreally?"

"Oreally."

"Okay."

Mountaindew rubs his paws together and places Cloudtail on the suddenly-appearing lab table. Amazingly, the kitty has gotten real quiet... too quiet..

"AIRRRRBA-" Cloudtail got about that far before Mountaindew slapped a giant "NO TOMATOES" sticker on his mouth.

"-MMPHH!"

"That was loud," Mountaindew said needlessly.

I was slowly going from deranged to deranged level 2, I really needed this showdown to go on.

"So," I said, flipping the light switch and making the entire den dark, "what have you to say for yourself, Cloudtail? Hm? What? What could POSSIBLY explain your behavior?"

"MMMPPPHHH!"

I beamed a flashlight into his face and watched as foam crept around the sticker edges.

Ew.

Mountaindew sighed and flipped on the lights, "This isn't getting us anywhere. We got to head back to ThunderClan camp and OBSERVE.. 'Airball' must be a code word or something that brings ninja cats to plug the ThunderClan cats with a vir-"

"Oh be quiet, will you?" I said, impatiently working on my gloves and pulling out a giant needle.

Cloudtail stared.

I shoved the needle into his leg.

*This part has been censored due to graphic conditions and major swear words*

I looked at the needle which was full of blood and waited for the echoing screams to die down. After my bleeding eardrums finally settled down by bleeding the life out of them, I inserted the data into the nearby computer and prayed for chocolate.

The computer was completely useless because the computer got Insanity itself.

You have never known the true pain of life if you haven't heard a computer spaz out and project animal noises at full volume. Luckily I was near deaf and dead.

"Well," I yelled at Mountaindew, trying to be heard above the noise, "what _*COCKADOODLEDOO*_ are we _*ROOOOOARRRRR* _GOING TO DO _*I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A GREAT BIG FAMILY*_ NOW?"

Mountaindew responded by handcuffing Cloudtail, tossing him behind bars, and racing out of the secret lair and towards ThunderClan camp.

I halted for about three seconds to get a rootbeer lollipop and raced after him.

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**Review and tell me if you like it so far!**


	3. Rootbeer and Party Rock Anthem

**Here's another one, check back for more! And of course, review and tell me how you like it. :D**

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~Mountaindew's POV~

Blueberry sucked noisily at her lollipop while I, however, was totally in the zone.

We reached the ThunderClan in a few minutes, and I leaped into the bushes while Blueberry slunk in.

We could see a patrol coming out of the entrance, probably looking for Cloudtail.

Suckers.

I prayed that they wouldn't scent us, but of course they did.

Sandstorm, Thornclaw, and Graystripe halted right next to us.

I could see a tick crawling through Sandstorm's fur, they were that close.

Blueberry's tongue was halfway to her lollipop and then it went rigid.

I actually stopped breathing, I was that scared.

"What's that smell?" Graystripe mewed, raising his nose into the air.

"It looks like it's coming from right next to us," Thornclaw said.

How they could not see a pair of cats, one with electric green fur and the other with pure blue, surprises me.

I shot one of my specialty "****" glares over to Blueberry, and she responded by throwing the rootbeer lollipop right at Graystripe's face.

What happened next was so comical that I nearly cried.

Graystripe's jaw dropped nearly all the way to the ground and he gasped, placing a paw over his throat as the lollipop dropped to the ground.

Immediately, Thornclaw and Sandstorm swarmed around it.

Graystripe licked his chops and meowed, "Is that rootbeer?"

I stared at Blueberry.

"Rootbeer?" Thornclaw and Sandstorm said together.

Graystripe nodded importantly, "Rootbeer."

Blueberry mimed cutting her throat.

Graystripe swung his haunches and leaped onto the rootbeer lollipop, furiously licking it.

Then he sung LMFAO Party Anthem.

"PARTY ROCK IS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT!" Graystripe yowled loudly.

Thornclaw responded with a, "EVERYBODY JUST HAVE A GOOD TIMMMEE!"

Sandstorm looked at both them and flipped her head to one side, "Shake that."

They shuffled back into camp, grabbing the nearest cats and started shuffling with them.

I wrote down a few notes about how catchy that song is, snapped a picture of Graystripe shuffling with Ashfur, and slunk into camp after them.

Blueberry was right behind me, and we hid behind a random tree in the camp, watching the events unfold.

Firestar was bounding over to Graystripe, meowing his concern.

"Graystripe? Graystripe? Graystripe?" Firestar yowled.

"WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU LOOOOSEE YOUR MINNNNDSS!" Graystripe spit into Firestar's face.

Blueberry whispered urgently to me, "Listen, I bet they have a reaction to rootbeer and that's what causes Insanity!"

"What about Cloudtail?" I whispered back.

"Forget him. He's probably one of those cats who are born with Insanity disorder. We've got to keep these guys under control," Bluberry insisted.

I turned back to where Graystripe was shuffling over all the elders.

Sandstorm was literally a sandstorm.

Thornclaw abandoned all sense and was shuffling over the fresh kill pile.

Firestar's body was shifting… Probably catching the Insanity…

Blueberry leaped out from the tree to stop Brackenfur from dropping a Mento into a Coke bottle. I tumbled out from behind her to tackle Sorrelpaw from shuffling over Longtail's tail.

There was one thing all cats knew: nobody could touch Longtail's tail.

Nobody even took notice of us.

Blueberry wailed as Firestar flipped out a Blueberry (the cellphone) and started dialing numbers.

And guess what numbers?

9-1-1

Blueberry-the-cat screeched and dived for Firestar- who ducked.

She landed on Sorrelpaw and started stabbing her with a toothpick.

Sorrelpaw started twitching violently and fainted.

The phone was answered and everyone went silent.

"Hello?" The person on the other end said.

Firestar looked towards Sorrelpaw and screamed into the phone, "SHE'S DEAD!"

"Who's dead?" The person on the other end spoke again.

"That girl!" Firestar wailed, pointing at Sorrelpaw.

"Named?"

"Sorrelpaw."

"Make sure she's dead."

Graystripe pulled out a plastic knife and stabbed Sorrelpaw.

"She's dead," Firestar whispered, a little gleefully.

"Where a-" POOE (Person on the other end) started to say before Firestar threw the cellphone on the ground.

I just stood there with my mouth open over Thornclaw as Blueberry-the-cat raced over Longtail's tail and reached for the Blueberry-the-phone.

Longtail yelled, grabbed the Coke bottle and Mentos from Brackenfur and dropped all of them in there.

It was a pretty big Coke bottle.

It was a pretty big explosion.

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**Poor Mountaindew. :P Read and review!**


	4. Shake that

**Here's the chapter I promised! Enjoy, and thank you reviewers for, well, reviewing, lol. xP**

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~Mountaindew~

Grah… What the heck..? Why is there this mushy.. mushy stuff..

Mu-mu-.. bird poop?

I fainted.

~Blueberry POV~

That was seriously the explosion of atomic bomb.

Not that it was my fault.

I must get to.. must reach.. must… get..

There, the rightfully mine Blueberry-the-phone is MINE.

Somehow it survived the explosion. I groggily lift my head up and spot everyone lying around like dead pigeons. Everyone including the pigeons that were actually flying over when the explosion happened.

Poor pigeons.

I get up slowly, tucking the BlueberryTP (Blueberry-the-phone) into my pocket.

Cats have pockets, didn'tcha know?

Anyway, I go to wake everyone up calmly. I wheel in a chalkboard from the badger den, grab some chalk, and put a couple microphones around the board that are connected to a big, big, BIG speaker. Then I snap on some giant fluffy headphones and do the epic deed.

I slowly drag the chalk across chalkboard.

***10 SECONDS LATER***

"HAVE MERCY!" Firestar wails.

I finally got everyone up within the margin of 9.9 seconds.

Actually, Mountaindew is still lying there. I think that pigeon poop is starting to have an effect on his ears. And there's only one way to get him up.

I slowly pull out a can of Mountain Dew and pad over to him. I pop the can open and let the fizz fizzle through the air.

And the smell of cold, fresh, Mountain Dew.

Right into his nose.

Very effective, I'm telling you.

He jumps up and tackles me away from the Mountain Dew.

Let's shorten the songs and the talk of how Mountain Dew answers Mountaindew's prayers to a simple:

Mountaindew drank the Mountain Dew.

After throwing him into a puddle and telling him to wash his dirty face, I turn to the ThunderClan cats, who have paused their insanity and start looking at me curiously.

"Who are YOU?" Bramblepaw asks boldly.

"I'm Blueberry and I was sent from StarClan," I reply boredly.

Every cat stares at me and then goes on licking the ground free of exploded Coke. Mountaindew comes back and tilts his head to one side, "Hey, do you hear something?"

I listen carefully and I hear this siren noise.

"Oh Great StarClan," I whisper.

"Is it the ambulance?" Mountaindew whispers back.

"Yep," I sigh, just as a vehicle crashes through the entrance of the camp.

Everyone simultaneously screams and starts shuffling towards the vehicle, which is the ambulance.

Two guys step out of the van carrying a stretcher, looking at the mass of cats that are shuffling towards them.

Man and cat stare at each other.

Sandstorm steps in front of the two men and glares at them before flipping her head to the side,

"Shake that."

The swarm leaps onto the men, who are completely incapable of doing anything but screaming and starting to twitch and shuffle.

Sorrelpaw, with stab marks on her pelt, laughs the most evilest evil laugh that evilly evil cats wouldn't have an eviler laugh than Sorrelpaw's evilly evil evilest laugh of evilly evil evilness.

Trust me, it was that frigging scary.

I didn't know whether to be disturbed or slightly concerned, her cackling went on that long.

Graystripe decided to take it to a whole new level. He dragged one human right next to the wailing siren and shoved his ear right next to it.

Firestar let out a demented screech and shoved both of the humans into the ambulance while everyone was biting, kicking, and chucking anything they could.

What did I do? I raced to the driver's seat with Mountaindew at my tail, hopped in front of the steering wheel, and screeched to all the ThunderClan cats, "EVERYONE GET IN!"

Everyone got in.

Mountaindew hit the gas pedal and I twirled the steering wheel.

"SO," I yelled over to Mountaindew as I veered around the High Rock, "IS THERE A DRIVER'S MANUAL IN HERE?"

Mountaindew hit the brake pedal as I swerved out of camp and narrowly avoided a tree.

We were both flung into the windshield as the cats in the back tumbled all over the floor.

The pause was long enough for Mountaindew to yowl, "I FRIGGING DON'T FRIGGING KNOW!"

I clawed my way back to the driver's seat and sat on the gas pedal.

Mountaindew frantically drove the car out of ThunderClan territory. He skidded into the black road and veered around several lampposts and one old lady in her slippers who was getting the mail.

All the cats had abandoned their normal voices and were screaming like sissies.

My stomach was lurching as I yelled up to Mountaindew, "GET STARCLAN TO GET YOU A DRIVER'S MANUAL!"

Mountaindew shook his head quickly and promptly crashed into a tree next to the road.

"HOW DO YOU GO BACKWARDS?" He wailed.

I hopped off the gas pedal and put down the car window. Looking to the skies, I yowled to StarClan loudly, "GIVE US A DRIVER'S MANUAL!"

The car passing by us screamed a few insults about learning how to drive correctly.

Mountaindew had just chucked the Mountain Dew can at the driver when a floppy magazine struck me in the head.

Mountaindew whipped it off my head and scanned the pages before screeching to me as the wailing in the back got louder.

"THIS IS A YOGA MANUAL!"

I snatched the manual back and glanced over the pages.

Yep, it was a yoga manual.

I stuck my head out the window again and shook my paw, curled into a fist, to the sky.

The wailing in the back suddenly stopped as Firestar stuck his head out of one of the back windows. Something struck him in the head, and I scrambled into the back of the ambulance to see what it was.

"YES!" I yelled, fist pumping the air, "A DRIVER'S MANUAL!"

I raced around the private lesson of "How to Shuffle" Graystripe was holding and snatched the manual from Firestar's head. I dashed back to Mountaindew and started pulling and pressing random buttons.

"Are you even going to LOOK at it?" Mountaindew said, grabbing the manual from me and pawing through it.

That was actually a pretty good idea.

But my way was better, because not only did I turn on the sirens, I got our ambulance to go backwards. Drop-kicking Mountaindew onto the gas pedal, I zoomed onto the road and headed for the city. Mountaindew had gotten hold of the yoga manual and was shouting out to me occasional words of advice such as "COPY FIGURE 3!" or "BREATHE DEEPLY" and even "IF YOU ARE ON DRUGS, DO NOT DRIVE".

It was enough for me to get P.O.'d.

We had arrived at the city and I was trying my best to not obey the traffic lights when we hit the curb.

And we skidded into the airport.

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**R&R! What will the cats do in the airport? Keep checking to find out!**


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